Watching.. waiting.. dreaming.

Been a while

2007-03-18T15:15:35Z

I don't know if i just haven't had the time or the energy to write. Maybe I just don't like displaying what i feel anymore. Either way, there's only 2 weeks of school left.

So much has happened in the last few months, i can't begin to explain what's been going on. For now, start new. Who knows what summer will bring. It'll be different for sure. I'm hoping it'll be easy to adjust to.

Still praying I don't hang on by a limb again like last semester. Last 2 weeks. we can do this.

It's been a while

2007-01-13T15:34:08Z

Nothing much has changed. Everything's still the same. Not as affected though, a good thing. Thanks to certain friends.

heybob_memories @ 2006-12-04T21:55:00

2006-12-04T13:55:44Z

Detached I wish.

2006-11-28T13:56:58Z

Detached or attached?

Stay-er or leaver?

Am I too attached? Letting myself become a martyr all the time? I can be a bitch. I can! And I can leave too.

But I know I'm attached cause it's all i have to hang on to. I stay cause there's nowhere else i'd rather be.

I better not be attached to the wrong things and stay for the wrong reasons. I'll just regret it. Thing is, i'll never know if it was the right thing 'til it's over. Only time will tell.

Second semester

2006-11-14T14:27:13Z

It's only been two days and I feel like crap already. Got an idea of how this semester will be like.

BOY AM I EXCITED TO READ!

Every subject is filled with heavy readings. I do hope I won't confuse one with the other. It would be awful to mix up what I've read.

All my attention on school, nothing else. That's for sure.

heybob_memories @ 2006-10-19T22:54:00

2006-10-19T14:58:20Z

On sem break. Doesn't feel like it though.

I'm tired.
I'm disappointed.
I'm scared.
I'm out.

I don't know what to do.
Crap.

So much at stake

2006-10-04T12:53:26Z

Thought I could handle it.

I can't forgive myself for screwing up, but there's no one else to blame.

I know I don't want to give up, so I NEED to make it.

heybob_memories @ 2006-09-24T21:49:00

2006-09-24T13:51:36Z

waiting when there's nothing coming.

heybob_memories @ 2006-09-23T23:45:00

2006-09-23T15:51:25Z

Been a heavy few days.

Irritating weather?
Stressful workload?
Confusing lessons?
Inexplainable confusion?

I don't know.

I just feel heavy.

There are some things that can cheer you up though, like when friends come to keep you company. Thanks!

Sappy read

2006-09-19T13:10:59Z

http://settingherfree.blogspot.com/2006_08_01_settingherfree_archive.html

Something interesting to read. Read it from March. Pretty sweet, but after finishing it, it's sad because not everyone gets a happy ending.

Oh, and I am not madrama.

heybob_memories @ 2006-09-18T22:55:00

2006-09-18T14:59:29Z

Hell week, but i don't seem to be affected. Crap. Start working Mara!

So much friggin' things to do.

heybob_memories @ 2006-09-16T20:53:00

2006-09-16T12:59:38Z

Pathetic.

It's annoying.

Infected, affected and lost

2006-09-10T15:10:29Z

Got an infection because of some insect bite and got a swollen lip because of some infection as well. Am I that weak in terms of my immune system? It's funny actually when I think about it. I've never been on antibiotics so often in a matter of a few weeks.

My mom's been home less than a week and already my aggravations begin. Also, I choose not to be affected, but then I can't help it. New concerns but the same old story. Don't be a martyr.

Lost. Oh boy am I lost! I've never felt so bad about school in my life. I'm failing everything and I've never missed high school more in my life! The way that the teachers do their very best not to fail you. Now, they don't give a damn. And for some reason I just don't get it. Am I just an idiot and I bit off more than I can chew? Am I just too lazy now and don't prioritize anymore? Or do I just choose not to understand, which I highly doubt is the case. Accounting, math, french, even science for heaven's sake! I have no subject that can pull my qpi high. What a bad semester. My mother's going to kill me when my grades come. I can already feel it.

Sometimes you can't help but feel bad especially when you feel alone. When you're there, you've got friends.. but when you're not around, what makes you so sure that your presence matters or not?

"You have so many friends who love you. In fact, among all of us, you are the one with the most true friends" --quoted from a friend of mine. Think it's true? I do hope so.

heybob_memories @ 2006-08-28T20:22:00

2006-08-28T13:17:01Z

Still sick, with a really bad head ache.

Math midterms and I found out my teacher's sick. They don't even know what's wrong with him, can be a problem with his kidneys.. Oh no. Now I feel bad for complaining that our long test wasn't made by him. Need to pray that he gets better. Although I don't get the way he teaches, he still is a very, very nice man! He doesn't deserve to get sick. He's been so nice to us in class I feel bad.. Will pray for him.

Am I just looking for company or sercurity? Can't I get that in any other way other than what I keep asking for? Who knows. I'll figure it out.

heybob_memories @ 2006-08-27T20:57:00

2006-08-27T13:04:20Z

I feel awful. Woke up with a really bad head ache, and my throat was killing me. It still is. I'm starting to cough and my head hurts. I had a fever and I can't think stright. What a bummer.

Here I go with expectations again. I'm trying and think it'll go my way, but it doesn't, and I end up disappointing myself. Why do I bother?

heybob_memories @ 2006-08-25T22:06:00

2006-08-25T14:11:02Z

Am I that transparent? I'm afraid of entering the same cycle all over again.

It's wrong to want to change if it's not something you want to do for yourself. You need to want to do it for no one else but yourself. There should be no other reason, or else when the reason goes away, you'll fall right back into it.

heybob_memories @ 2006-08-24T22:26:00

2006-08-24T14:31:43Z

Missing the feeling of being all giddy inside.

Will that happen again any time soon?

School's a bummer. After studying for one thing, there's nothing to look forward to because it's not over yet. There's still more studying to do! ARGH!

heybob_memories @ 2006-08-21T23:02:00

2006-08-21T15:05:40Z

Sometimes you just feel like shit. It doesn't help when everything seems to go against you.

Wish everything would just go your way.

Thing is, how do I want things to go?

heybob_memories @ 2006-08-17T21:40:00

2006-08-17T13:45:12Z

Should be nice to have a happy crush. Kilig moments that make you happy at unexpected times of the day.

Not affected. Good job? yeap!

heybob_memories @ 2006-08-16T21:05:00

2006-08-16T13:31:11Z

Feeling ng ibang tao. Kaya ko na ba magalit?

heybob_memories @ 2006-08-14T19:31:00

2006-08-14T11:41:09Z

I'm happy. No more torture. I'm pretty sure I can handle it, but it's still subject to testing. We'll see how it goes in the coming days.

heybob_memories @ 2006-08-12T22:19:00

2006-08-12T14:22:39Z

I'm good the way things are. All I need are my friends. Who needs anything else? I can live without everything I keep yearning for. That way I'll stop looking, stop expecting and stop disappointing and hurting myself. I'm tired of it. Forget it all. Will never happen again. No more tears, no longer pathetic. Who needs any of that?

I'm done with it.

Answer for me, i'll answer for you. :)

2006-08-10T12:56:15Z

1. My name:
2. Where did we meet?
3. Take a stab at my middle name:
4. How long have we known each other?
5. How well do you know me?
6. Do I smoke?
7. Do I believe in God?
8. When you first saw me, what was your impression?
9. My age?
10. Birthday?
11. Color hair?
12. Color eyes?
13. Do I have any siblings?
14. (If opposite sex) Have you ever had a crush on me?
(If same sex) Have you ever been jealous of me?
15. What's one of my favorite things to do?
16. Do you remember one of the first things I said to you?
17. What's my favorite type of music?
18. What is the best feature about me?
19. Am I shy or outgoing?
20. What is your funniest memory about me?
21. Am I a rebel or do I follow all the rules?
22. Any special talents?
23. Would you consider me a friend?
24. Would you call me preppy, slutty, a homie, average, sporty, hippie?
25. Have you ever seen me cry?
26. If there were one good nickname for me what would it be?
27. Are my parents still together?
28. What do I love?
29. What is my best accomplishment?
30. What is your favorite thing to do with me?
31. Do I do drugs?
32. Have I ever been there for you?
33. Am I smart?
34. Conservative or liberal?
35. Name one way I've made an impact on your life…
36. Who do you think I will marry?
37. Do you think we will always be friends?
38. Am I coming or going to be invited to your wedding?
39. Will you hang out with me at our class reunions (if I have one with you)?
40. Who do I like?
41. Will you ever forget me?

If you have nothing to do. Email it to me if you want. marallaners@yahoo.com
WOOHOO! Just for fun :)

When it rains, it pours

2006-08-09T14:17:38Z

It's funny how once something either good or bad happens, it pours. The last one or two weeks have been really awful, filled with stress and emotional break downs, and it kept pouring. Tonight, just two things made me feel so much better, despite what has been happening to me.

One, the GA is over. It was like high school again, with the stress and work, but I forgot about the fulfillment and adrenaline rush that came with it. It came out not the way we expected it to, with good and bad, but then it was all good. Again, I appreciate everyone who was there to help and participate. I never felt better!

Two, I got the boost I needed. It's funny how something can come to you so unexpected while everything seems so messed up, and when it happens, everything just falls back into place. Thank you Faith, I really needed that. A reminder of why I got myself into this in the first place.

I want this.

Is it a good thing that I'm not affected? If I found out a few weeks ago, I would've been crying. Now, i'm actually happy. Maybe I'm just still on a high from today and hopefully, nothing can ruin it. We'll see.

heybob_memories @ 2006-08-08T21:22:00

2006-08-08T13:28:18Z

Don't want to give up or let go, but it seems I need to. I need to get my priorities straightened out before it's too late. I don't want to regret anything. My stupid brain just doesn't seem to be absorbing the pressure anymore, so all the more I end up slacking. Wish I was naturally smart. That way, slacking off wouldn't be such a big threat. I don't know why i'm doing this to myself when I know there's so much at stake. I'm not going to quit. It's still early. There's still a chance. A slight one. My brain better absorb that or I'm screwed. I better not be an idiot and throw it all away.